I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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