I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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