im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
