so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I believe in your delicious
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
