You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
