i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
