I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
