I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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