You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
