New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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