I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
