My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
