Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
