And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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