Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
