He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
