i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so let's talk penis.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
