oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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