Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
