Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
