we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
