The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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