So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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