Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Sponge bath it is.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
