Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
