Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
