Plan B is the new Plan A
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
