your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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