Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize
