Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
