Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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