How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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