I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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