I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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