I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
