It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
