Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
