So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
