just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
