I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
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I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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