I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
