Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
