sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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