why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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