apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
