She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
