Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
