I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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