I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
