When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
