Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
