haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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