You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
