Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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