Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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