Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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