Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
