please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
