hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
