Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
