how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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