I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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