He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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