The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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