moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
