NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
