just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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