tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
