I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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