i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
