i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
