Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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