Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
