You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
