you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
