do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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