Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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