Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
