If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
