If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
