I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize